My
Mission, My Gethsemane
Alright
family well first things first, this week was a week in the life of living in
tornado alley!!!
Haha
I don't know if anyone heard but I'm pretty sure it was all over he news, but
last Monday night, it was super super windy but I mean it's always windy. So
sister Brinegar and I get headed to dinner all the way out at the Stake
Presidents house, president Call. His family lives in our ward boundaries (just
barely because they live in he middle of nowhere) but they are awesome! So we
get done having this amazing dinner and revelatory experience talking about how
we could improve the missionary efforts of the stake, and we go to get headed
home and it's already dark out and it's pretty windy. Like more windy than it
was earlier, and we start driving and we see that there's constant lightning
all over the sky like every second. Sister Brinegar, being so in touch with the
spirit as she is, felt that we should say a prayer. We did. She then felt that
maybe we should call Sister Shafer. The Shafer's house is whose house we are
supposed to go to in case of a tornado because they have a good shelter and
they're the closest. But me being me, I'm like nah this is cool, just laughing
about it really thinking it was nothing, just another Missouri
storm. Nonetheless, we called Sister Shafer and she picked up and we asked her
about the storm (because missionaries don't know anything that goes on in the
world), and she was very serious and somewhat panicked, asked us where we were
right then. ..... well we are on the back roads headed to HWY 13 about 25
minutes from home. She informed us that we needed to get to a shelter
immediately. A storm was hitting Lawson right as she was speaking and so we
flipped right around and called President Call and headed right on back to his
house!! Haha so yes they had the weather channel on and we were tracking the
storm but it showed that there were severe thunderstorms all over northern
Missouri and even tornadoes all over.
So
we just awaited the storm's arrival. Haha we had a blast though because
thankfully, the Calls don't get freaked out and so we were all just chillin and
laughing and joking. The storm came and went pretty fast, there was just a LOT
of wind and hail, but nothing too terrible. We were able to leave an hour later
and got home just after 9:30 without any problems.
Apparently
though, there were 37 reports of tornadoes with more than 450 reports of severe
wind and hail stretching from Oklahoma and Arkansas northward into Minnesota
and Wisconsin... hahah Yay Missouri! Midwest! So far 25 tornadoes have been
confirmed, but surveys continue :)
We
didn't find out until the next morning at Zone Conference, that one of the many
tornadoes had touched town and gone through Lathrop and Plattsburg, a couple
towns in our area and that a few houses suffered some damage. So a lot of
people were out helping the tornado cleanup.. while we were at Zone Conference
in Cameron!! That was a little bittersweet. I love Zone Conference, but as a
missionary you also really just love the people and wish you could help,
especially in times of devastation like this!!
In
other news though, Zone Conference was AMAZING!!! The huge focus of it, was
teaching repentance and baptizing converts - The Doctrine of Christ!! The
most important thing I learned though, was in order to teach repentance
effectively, I need to learn what repentance feels like and practice it daily!!
Repentance doesn't mean that just when you say something mean to someone else,
you say sorry and ask God for forgiveness. It is so much more than that.
Repentance is turning your life back to the Savior. Someone put it beautifully
when they said that it is turning your life more away from the world and your
weaknesses and turning toward the Savior - the source of all Light and Hope. We
were challenged to listen closely to the Spirit to discern what it is that we
need to change at this time. How we could be better. Sometimes it can be really
hard to give up "your favorite sin" or admit that you have a weakness
for something that you don't want to admit that you do, because it's very hard
to overcome. Sometimes it is hard, very hard to overcome those things,
especially when they are the hardest for us! But, "Repentance is not
repentance if you do not involve the Redeemer." (Elder Bednar) The ONLY
way we will overcome our weaknesses and become more like our Father in Heaven
as we go through this mortal test which is Life, is through the Savior Jesus
Christ. When I look within myself at what I need to change and where my true
focus is, I hear the Savior's same words He asked to Peter: "Do you love
me?" And in the paraphrased version Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Do you
love me... more than all of this?"
When
we choose to give up something in order to make our lives more in line with the
Savior, that is where the beauty of repentance lies. That is where we are
sanctified through Christ.
After
Zone Conference, we had the most AMAZING lesson with a part member family we
recently met! The girl that showed up on our records was a 15 year old named
Hannah Walker. Her family situation is interesting, because she lives with her
mom Becky and her brother Zayne. Hannah and Zayne were baptized when they were
8 and Becky was raised in the church, but because of her lifestyle choices, is
no longer a member. Becky is so nice though and so we asked them if we could
"practice' teaching the lessons to them. To strengthen their faith, BUT
also, to help Becky come back. We went back for our return appointment Tuesday
night and to our delight, Reagan joined us for the lesson! Reagan is not
directly related to Becky, Hannah, or Zayne. Becky lives with her boyfriend who
also has kids. Reagan, is one of her boyfriends kids. (Hopefully that makes
sense). Reagan expressed that she was borderline atheist, but has been looking
more into religion and truly wants to know if God is real. She had such great
questions and as I testified to her that I knew, without a doubt in my mind
that God was real, the spirit just flooded the room. It was amazing!! We
briefly taught the Restoration, and left Reagan with a Book of Mormon -
to which she asked where she should read specifically that might be good for
her, before she prays about it (talk about, yes golden question!). All in all
it was amazing and I am SO excited for them!! There is just so much potential
in that family!! And we are seeing them tonight :)
Wednesday,
we were able to head down to Liberty to have exchanges!!! The new exchange
policy is that both sisters in the companionship go and exchange but both stay
in the Sister Leader's area and just blitz it. Kinda different and hard because
that means that no one is in our area.... but it was awesome!! My sister
leaders are Hermana Littel and my BFF Sister Bishop!! I had been in need of
exchanges for a long time... sometimes (especially while training) you get
drained, and when theres a problem and youve already tried everything to solve
it, it helps to talk to another person about it. I was able to talk a lot to
Sister Bishop and get lots of advice for how I could best help Sister Brinegar
who is still struggling to adjust to missionary life, and talk to people. I am
so so so so grateful for the amazing friends I have made in the missionn.
Sister Bishop is like family to me and I am so grateful for her! Especially
training again and having those difficulties, it brought a lot of peace to be
able to come together with my leaders and find solutions for how to help my
companion. I was very very grateful for that. I spent the rest of the day with
Hermana Littel! She is also from Utah and loves to work hard and talk to people
like me!! We had a great day building a deck (mom and dad you would be so
proud:) and talking to people and participating in the YSA activities they are
over! Hahaha being in a YSA again was a little weird but so fun!!!
Friday
we were able to finally be back in our area and actually help with tornado
cleanup!!!! The past few weeks have been sooo nice with the weather but it was
to get cold and snowy this weekend so we were out there in the field cleaning
up sheet metal that had blown off storage units and sheds out into the trees
and fields about a football field or two away. We picked up shingles and scrap
pieces of wood, instillation, and other debris in the field for about 4 hours
in 20 degree weather. It is just so crazy how much damage wind can do!! There
was a member who owns some fairgrounds that were completely destroyed, they had
a storage container (like the ones you see big freight ships carry) and it was
taken up by the wind and flown over a line of trees and landed about 300 yards
away. Crazy!!! Thankfully, no one was hurt amidst all the storm.
We
also found another new investigator this week! Last Sunday when I was sick, we
had a little miracle where some former investigator who had been on our mind,
but had an unknown location (she was supposedly in a nursing home somewhere)
randomly called us and said she wanted to meet with missionaries again!!! Her
name is Pam Palmer and she is the sweetest old lady. She really feels that now
she is ready to commit and so we are so excited to bring the light of the
Gospel once again into her life!
All
in all this week was pretty great! We had some lessons, and we had a few fall
through. But more than anything, I learned a lot of what I can improve on and
how much the Savior's Atonement means to me.
Yesterday
as I was studying I was just hit with the spirit and was so overcome. And I
just wanted to share some of the thoughts and impressions I had:
I
have often written a lot about and also have recently thought a lot about the
trials we go through, and how we choose to go through them. ...
And
I think that no one puts it better than Elder Holland when he states,
Jeffrey
R. Holland "When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we've
ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation
into a would-be temple. Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised,
'I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left. My
spirit shall be in your hearts and mine angels round about you to bear you up.'
(D&C 84:88) That is an everlasting declaration of Gods love and care for
us, including, perhaps especially, in times of trial."
"And
when we promise to follow the Savior, to walk in His footsteps, and be His
disciples, we are promising to go where that divine path leads us. And the path
of salvation has always led one way or another through Gethsemane." (Lessons
from Liberty Jail, Ensign, Sept. 2009)
The
divine test of mortality is whether or not we hold faithful to our Heavenly
Father, no matter what test He throws our way.
I
know in my life, personally, He has thrown a lot my way at one time or another.
But I remember as a little kid in primary, I learned that the better choice has
been and forever will be to stay close to God when hard times come. Never turn
away from Him, for when you do, you turn away from the Light of hope and peace.
I
feel such a tenderness towards my Savior. Because I know I am not perfect. I
know I get things wrong time and time again. But nonetheless, He still loves
me. Why? I still haven't figured that out.. But because of experiences I've had
and unmistakable feelings I have felt, I know He loves me. I know He is real.
His atonement has helped me and enabled me to rise above. To have hope, to
receive solace and comfort.
I'm
grateful for the perspective my mission has given me. I will never
be the same, I will forever be changed because of the experiences and even
trials I have endured these past 9 months as a servant of my Savior. I cannot
express how much I love Him.
I
echo the words of Ammon in the Book of Mormon when he said, “Yea, I know that I
am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself,
but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea,
behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will
praise his name forever” (Alma 26:12)
I
challenge each of you to listen and stay close to the spirit, that you may feel
it's influence and know what you can change, what you need to improve on, to
have the spirit more in your life. If you don't have a true testimony of
repentance, I urge and plead with you to look into yourself as you seek to
change and improve, and then to look up to the Savior.
If
you don't involve the Redeemer in repentance, it isn't truly repentance.
I
know that it is most assuredly only through Him we are saved. (2 Nephi 10:24,
31:21)
I
leave my testimony quoting Elder David A. Bednar ...
"As
one of the weakest of the weak, I testify that God lives. I testify and witness
that Jesus is the Christ. He is our Redeemer and our Savior, and He lives. And
I testify that the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ and His true Church
have been restored to the earth in these latter days through the Prophet Joseph
Smith. Priesthood keys and authority and saving ordinances are again found on
the earth. By the power of that priesthood, families truly can be together
forever. The Book of Mormon is the word of God and the keystone of our
religion. And, brothers and sisters, the heavens are not closed. God speaks--to
us individually and to the leaders of His latter-day kingdom on earth.
President Gordon B. Hinckley is the Lord’s prophet on the earth today. Of these
things I testify and declare my witness in the sacred name of Jesus Christ,
amen." (In the Strength of the Lord,Elder Bednar April 2004 General
Conference)
I cannot express how
much my mission means to me. This Wednesday I will have officially already been
out for 9 months! It has flown by, and it still baffles me. But I am so so
thankful for everything I have learned and the experiences I have had. I was
came on a mission to come home a better, changed person. In the beginning, that
seems like an insurmountable, and daunting task. But looking back now, I have
seen how much I have grown for the better, and I KNOW it is only through the
Savior, relying on His and my Heavenly Father's help that I have.
I love you all so much
and am so grateful for your love and support!!
Have a blessed week
:)
Much love, Sister
Bleak
Talks to read:
"Lessons from
Liberty Jail" Jeffrey R. Holland September 2009 Ensign
"The Infinite
Power of Hope" Dieter F. Utchdorf November 2008 Ensig
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