Sept. 13 You were not meant for failure
Wowie. Hahaha first of
all I am sorry but yea, pday has changed again.
Long story (which I will explain in a second) but now pday is Tuesday!
And will be for the next 3 weeks! Lol.
Plus so this pday is weird. We are on shift this morning at the
visitor center and then will have pday the rest of the night. So
technically I can email all day! Yeah idk it's weird but anyway!! Here
is the low down on the week...
Alright well this week started fine and dandy (or as fine and dandy as
it could be) Sister Taylor and I were going about, doing missionary
work, working together, trying to resolve conflicts (some more than
others) ... But Monday we just kind of had a chill pday and then had
exchanges and saw some miracles from that! Miracles in helping me and
also in our area! Finding less actives and things like that. Then
Tuesday we actually had a BUS TOUR come in the VC!!! It was awesome!!
We haven't had that many people lately because the season has slowed
down but we actually got to take a scheduled tour and I just loved it!
Other people lift my spirits sooo much. And sister Taylor and I took
them all through everything and it was probably the best tour we've
taken!! Wednesday we didn't have district meeting because of Zone
training later in the week.
---- this is a real crazy story so endure to the end and read on!! ----
Thursday was literally the craziest day of my life. It started out
with some amazing yoga with the sisters that live above us. Then in
the middle of comp study we got a call from out sister leaders that
said that they were here and wanted us to open the door for them! So
we went and they came and said they wanted to come do a companion
inventory with us! So we're like okkeeeyy! So we started odd and it
was slightly awkward starting out. So we are like going through the
comp inventory and we get to when it talks about what challenges are
keeping your companionship from working in unity ... So I open up and
share all my feelings (with the whole, "when you do this ... It makes
me feel like this...") and I shared how I felt s little bit like she
was dominating the companionship and trying to take over. And I felt
like I was scared to give her advice because she always got defensive
and how it was like anytime I brought something up or suggested
something she shot it down and asked if we could just do it the way
she wanted ... In this way it felt like she was just trying to mold me
into the person she wanted me to be and I couldn't be myself. At first
she said she was so sorry and didn't even realize. Then she helped me
to know her side of her thinking behind that. Which helped to
understand. As we brought up then if she had any concerns or things to
share that I could do better, she just stared blankly and said there
wasn't anything (though we felt like there was) so we were trying to
get her to open up but she ended up getting really frustrated. She
felt super stressed because it is not easy to learn or memorize things
for her and being a new missionary and especially a VC missionary
there's so much to learn and memorize. So she was so overwhelmed with
that! But then whenever we suggested these things she could do to
break it down, and gave her advice on weaknesses, she took offense and
wasn't willing to try it. She felt like all we were doing was focusing
on the negative. So she started to get more and more frustrated and
tense. So then as we tried to make an action plan to make things
better but every time I brought up the things she could maybe do that
would be better or like you know just like making suggestions? Well as
I did this, I could tell she was taking it all personal and she got
really frustrated. She kind of started yelling at me and saying how
she tries to do all these things right and apparently none of it is
right. She couldn't see either how all these things she was doing was
coming off in a way that hurt me. So she basically got really mad at
me because i felt that way. At this point I was like entering an
anxiety attack. Because she was attacking me. Not validating my
feelings at all. When I said this, she just exploded. She exploded at
Sister Wilkey after she just said maybe since sister bleak is a more
mellow person and sister Taylor you are just more lively and a little
more intense, so you could tone it down a little and meet halfway (or
something like that) she after that she blew up. She said the
companion inventory was a joke. And that this wasn't going to help
anything and this was stupid and she can't do anything right and she
just wanted to go home. At this point she was yelling and she said she
wanted to punch the wall she was so angry. She stormed into our room
and started packing her bags. She was seriously set on going home. So
I'm over there having an anxiety attack, crying non-stop and now my
companion is packing her bags. Sister Jorgensen and sister Wilkey and
I literally just all looked at each other, so scared and just didn't
know what to do. We tried to talk to her but there was no talking her
into anything. Finally we said a prayer with her and she calmed down a
little. I am so glad the sister leaders were there because I would
have had a complete nervous breakdown. Hahah. But sister Jorgensen was
the only one to get through to her. She counseled her to stay in her
room and read her patriarchal blessing to see what God would want her
to do. As she read it there, sister J suggested that sister Wilkey and
I go out of the apartment and get lunch or something (because we
hadn't eaten and it had been like from 10-1:45) so we went out and sat
in the car and tried to call president because this was serious. Well
of course he or sister vest couldn't be reached or the ap's!! But
finally sister vest called back and we talked to president. He said
that we did all we could have done and handled the situation very
well. He said that they wouldn't be back into town till that night but
what he wanted us to do, since we had split off was to exchange for
the rest of the day. That sister Jorgensen and sister Taylor were to
go on shift at the VC and I would go to north Kansas City with sister
Wilkey. And they would call us when they were on their way back. But
president asked me how I was doing and I shared how I was shaken up
and hurt and scared. But he assured me that none of this was my fault
and that we had all handled it as best we could. So we left and went
to NKC after that, sister Wilkey and I. And to diffuse some of the
stress we went to this yummy mexican place. But so we got to go out
and just visit people and work and it was so good. And I'm so glad I
got to be with sister Wilkey because I love her and she helped me so
much at that time.
We didn't get s call back from president until 8at night. He had met
with sister Taylor and they discussed some things and he said that
what they were going to do was have a transfer.
This was not what I expected at all. My mouth dropped. But I know that
if that was what president was inspired to do, that came from God. So
I said okay. If that is what you think. So we drove home and I went
and spend the next day with sister Taylor. There were no hard
feelings, it wasn't about her hating me or me hating her, it was just
not working for some reason. And there were some serious hardships
with learning she had. That I couldn't have helped her overcome if she
didn't let me. There was a little lack of humility on her part and I
know I couldn't have changed that because she wasn't willing to
change. But I still love her. She taught me a lot.
I couldn't help but feel like I was a failure though. I felt that way
right after we got the call. It was a big responsibility to train at 6
weeks and I didn't want to let anyone down! All these people that had
trusted me with training sister Taylor. And I'm not one to give up.
But so many times I have been reassured by others and most especially
by the spirit that I did not fail here.
Friday (our last day together) we had zone training. It was amazing.
It was all about being bold. And not being afraid to invite someone to
baptism the very first encounter with them! We need to not be afraid
and to have the courage to walk away from those investigators who are
not progressing and who aren't fully prepared. God knows who will and
won't accept His church in this life. We just need to be lead and
diligent in finding them! But we can't do that if we are only focused
on those we cannot help progress. That opened my eyes so much.
We also talked so much about the atonement and relying on Christ.
Which I know I have just learned so much from the past 3 weeks. Truly
there is an enabling power with the atonement that helps you overcome
and endure what you literally COULD NOT endure on your own.
A particular poem stood out to me the most. And that is the poem the
sister shared called "The Race." I don't remember all of it. Maybe I
will attach it for those who want it. But it's about this racer who
keeps falling and falling but His father encourages him to keep
getting up and going. He says "you weren't meant for failure here, get
up and win that race."
This pierced me. I had not failed. God never puts us in situations
purposefully to have us fail. He is our Father! He does not want that!
But he knows that is life is imperfect! He did not purposefully set up
the saints in Jackson county for failure! It was truly Zion here! But
they did have to leave and they weren't accepted because of the agency
of their own and the choices of others. But even when these hardships
come and things don't work out, God is there. He is ALWAYS there.
I have never been so close to my Heavenly Father. I have never felt
such peace and assurance. And comfort even in the hardest of times as
I have these past few weeks. God is so much in the details of our
lives we just have to take the time to see Him.
God didn't mean for me to fail. And maybe it would be worked out, but
because it was so hard and it wasn't working, God stepped in and
pulled me from my depression (because I've been depressed and I didn't
feel happy and I didn't know what do do about it anymore). And there
has been such a load lifted off my shoulders.
After zone training we got the call that Sister Taylor was being
transferred up north and that I would be joining a companionship in
the visitor center.
So I now serve in 2 wards with the amazing sister Soto and sister
Werber. Whom I already loved. After madly packing and throwing things
together, we packed up and met the other sisters that sister Taylor
would go with and then I went with sisters Soto and Werber to join
them at the cute little house they live in!
So yeah craziest two days I have had in a while. Hahah. So that's the
story. Now I am in a trio with these two who are so sweet and kind and
easy-going and it's been so nice.
I feel like all the weight and stress I had had constantly over the
past 3 weeks was just magically taken away.
I feel so much happier and lighter. And I feel bad that I didn't feel
that way with Sister Taylor but honestly I was in this stupor of
thought. I didn't know why it wasn't working, I was trying everything.
But I know that God still was mindful of me. And this is what I
needed.
SO trio fun now!! It's the best. We are double covering our areas, so
on Saturday we met with their ward mission leader and then had routine
interviews with our mission president.
I LOVE President and Sister Vest.
They have been so mindful of me and concerned about me. Sister vest is
just so awesome she is so real! Haha she isn't just this cuddles
grandma but she'll tell ya how it is. But she is so loving and
considerate. And President is just awesome. He is an amazing man! He
told me that he was so proud of the work I had done. And he and sister
vest thanked me for how diligent I was with being a trainer so early
out. He told me to never feel like a failure because that is the
opposite of what I had done.
That was so what I needed to hear and was so special coming from my
mission president.
Sunday we had 6 hours of church plus 2.5 hours of ward council! Then
three hours right after that at the visitor center. Haha it was so
good though! Both wards are amazing and we had the COOLEST BEST ward
council in Blue Springs. Because first off our bishop is just the
BOMB. He was talking about teamups and the ward auxiliary members were
voicing their (heated) opinions so it was a little contentious but by
the end the spirit was so strong and we knew what we needed to move
forward in our ward for missionary work. Ooohh miracles are on their
way!!
Haha yesterday was awesome. Sister Soto Werber and I all just laughed
all day, we were out knocking doors and talked to so many people and
literally were in such awkward random situations. But it was awesome!!
Haha my favorite part is when Sister Soto looks up after our prayer
and is like "there's Ashton Kutcher!!!" Hahaha she thought this guy
was Ashton Kutcher. So funny. but that is all I will say because this
email is already long enough.
I'll just leave you with my new favorite scripture. This is my simple
missionary testimony. 2 Nephi 33:6-7,9
6 I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he
hath redeemed my soul from hell.
7 I have charity for my people, and great faith in Christ that I shall
meet many souls spotless at his judgment-seat.
9 .... But behold, for none of these can I hope except they shall be
reconciled unto Christ, and enter into the narrow gate, and walk in
the strait path which leads to life, and continue in the path until
the end of the day of probation.
I love people. And I love Jesus. And I just know these simple truths.
And I know it is by and through these things that we'll gain true
happiness and eternal life with our families and our Father in Heaven.
I love you all!! I cannot thank you enough for all your love and
support and prayers. Thanks you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Much love, Sister Bleak
Long story (which I will explain in a second) but now pday is Tuesday!
And will be for the next 3 weeks! Lol.
Plus so this pday is weird. We are on shift this morning at the
visitor center and then will have pday the rest of the night. So
technically I can email all day! Yeah idk it's weird but anyway!! Here
is the low down on the week...
Alright well this week started fine and dandy (or as fine and dandy as
it could be) Sister Taylor and I were going about, doing missionary
work, working together, trying to resolve conflicts (some more than
others) ... But Monday we just kind of had a chill pday and then had
exchanges and saw some miracles from that! Miracles in helping me and
also in our area! Finding less actives and things like that. Then
Tuesday we actually had a BUS TOUR come in the VC!!! It was awesome!!
We haven't had that many people lately because the season has slowed
down but we actually got to take a scheduled tour and I just loved it!
Other people lift my spirits sooo much. And sister Taylor and I took
them all through everything and it was probably the best tour we've
taken!! Wednesday we didn't have district meeting because of Zone
training later in the week.
---- this is a real crazy story so endure to the end and read on!! ----
Thursday was literally the craziest day of my life. It started out
with some amazing yoga with the sisters that live above us. Then in
the middle of comp study we got a call from out sister leaders that
said that they were here and wanted us to open the door for them! So
we went and they came and said they wanted to come do a companion
inventory with us! So we're like okkeeeyy! So we started odd and it
was slightly awkward starting out. So we are like going through the
comp inventory and we get to when it talks about what challenges are
keeping your companionship from working in unity ... So I open up and
share all my feelings (with the whole, "when you do this ... It makes
me feel like this...") and I shared how I felt s little bit like she
was dominating the companionship and trying to take over. And I felt
like I was scared to give her advice because she always got defensive
and how it was like anytime I brought something up or suggested
something she shot it down and asked if we could just do it the way
she wanted ... In this way it felt like she was just trying to mold me
into the person she wanted me to be and I couldn't be myself. At first
she said she was so sorry and didn't even realize. Then she helped me
to know her side of her thinking behind that. Which helped to
understand. As we brought up then if she had any concerns or things to
share that I could do better, she just stared blankly and said there
wasn't anything (though we felt like there was) so we were trying to
get her to open up but she ended up getting really frustrated. She
felt super stressed because it is not easy to learn or memorize things
for her and being a new missionary and especially a VC missionary
there's so much to learn and memorize. So she was so overwhelmed with
that! But then whenever we suggested these things she could do to
break it down, and gave her advice on weaknesses, she took offense and
wasn't willing to try it. She felt like all we were doing was focusing
on the negative. So she started to get more and more frustrated and
tense. So then as we tried to make an action plan to make things
better but every time I brought up the things she could maybe do that
would be better or like you know just like making suggestions? Well as
I did this, I could tell she was taking it all personal and she got
really frustrated. She kind of started yelling at me and saying how
she tries to do all these things right and apparently none of it is
right. She couldn't see either how all these things she was doing was
coming off in a way that hurt me. So she basically got really mad at
me because i felt that way. At this point I was like entering an
anxiety attack. Because she was attacking me. Not validating my
feelings at all. When I said this, she just exploded. She exploded at
Sister Wilkey after she just said maybe since sister bleak is a more
mellow person and sister Taylor you are just more lively and a little
more intense, so you could tone it down a little and meet halfway (or
something like that) she after that she blew up. She said the
companion inventory was a joke. And that this wasn't going to help
anything and this was stupid and she can't do anything right and she
just wanted to go home. At this point she was yelling and she said she
wanted to punch the wall she was so angry. She stormed into our room
and started packing her bags. She was seriously set on going home. So
I'm over there having an anxiety attack, crying non-stop and now my
companion is packing her bags. Sister Jorgensen and sister Wilkey and
I literally just all looked at each other, so scared and just didn't
know what to do. We tried to talk to her but there was no talking her
into anything. Finally we said a prayer with her and she calmed down a
little. I am so glad the sister leaders were there because I would
have had a complete nervous breakdown. Hahah. But sister Jorgensen was
the only one to get through to her. She counseled her to stay in her
room and read her patriarchal blessing to see what God would want her
to do. As she read it there, sister J suggested that sister Wilkey and
I go out of the apartment and get lunch or something (because we
hadn't eaten and it had been like from 10-1:45) so we went out and sat
in the car and tried to call president because this was serious. Well
of course he or sister vest couldn't be reached or the ap's!! But
finally sister vest called back and we talked to president. He said
that we did all we could have done and handled the situation very
well. He said that they wouldn't be back into town till that night but
what he wanted us to do, since we had split off was to exchange for
the rest of the day. That sister Jorgensen and sister Taylor were to
go on shift at the VC and I would go to north Kansas City with sister
Wilkey. And they would call us when they were on their way back. But
president asked me how I was doing and I shared how I was shaken up
and hurt and scared. But he assured me that none of this was my fault
and that we had all handled it as best we could. So we left and went
to NKC after that, sister Wilkey and I. And to diffuse some of the
stress we went to this yummy mexican place. But so we got to go out
and just visit people and work and it was so good. And I'm so glad I
got to be with sister Wilkey because I love her and she helped me so
much at that time.
We didn't get s call back from president until 8at night. He had met
with sister Taylor and they discussed some things and he said that
what they were going to do was have a transfer.
This was not what I expected at all. My mouth dropped. But I know that
if that was what president was inspired to do, that came from God. So
I said okay. If that is what you think. So we drove home and I went
and spend the next day with sister Taylor. There were no hard
feelings, it wasn't about her hating me or me hating her, it was just
not working for some reason. And there were some serious hardships
with learning she had. That I couldn't have helped her overcome if she
didn't let me. There was a little lack of humility on her part and I
know I couldn't have changed that because she wasn't willing to
change. But I still love her. She taught me a lot.
I couldn't help but feel like I was a failure though. I felt that way
right after we got the call. It was a big responsibility to train at 6
weeks and I didn't want to let anyone down! All these people that had
trusted me with training sister Taylor. And I'm not one to give up.
But so many times I have been reassured by others and most especially
by the spirit that I did not fail here.
Friday (our last day together) we had zone training. It was amazing.
It was all about being bold. And not being afraid to invite someone to
baptism the very first encounter with them! We need to not be afraid
and to have the courage to walk away from those investigators who are
not progressing and who aren't fully prepared. God knows who will and
won't accept His church in this life. We just need to be lead and
diligent in finding them! But we can't do that if we are only focused
on those we cannot help progress. That opened my eyes so much.
We also talked so much about the atonement and relying on Christ.
Which I know I have just learned so much from the past 3 weeks. Truly
there is an enabling power with the atonement that helps you overcome
and endure what you literally COULD NOT endure on your own.
A particular poem stood out to me the most. And that is the poem the
sister shared called "The Race." I don't remember all of it. Maybe I
will attach it for those who want it. But it's about this racer who
keeps falling and falling but His father encourages him to keep
getting up and going. He says "you weren't meant for failure here, get
up and win that race."
This pierced me. I had not failed. God never puts us in situations
purposefully to have us fail. He is our Father! He does not want that!
But he knows that is life is imperfect! He did not purposefully set up
the saints in Jackson county for failure! It was truly Zion here! But
they did have to leave and they weren't accepted because of the agency
of their own and the choices of others. But even when these hardships
come and things don't work out, God is there. He is ALWAYS there.
I have never been so close to my Heavenly Father. I have never felt
such peace and assurance. And comfort even in the hardest of times as
I have these past few weeks. God is so much in the details of our
lives we just have to take the time to see Him.
God didn't mean for me to fail. And maybe it would be worked out, but
because it was so hard and it wasn't working, God stepped in and
pulled me from my depression (because I've been depressed and I didn't
feel happy and I didn't know what do do about it anymore). And there
has been such a load lifted off my shoulders.
After zone training we got the call that Sister Taylor was being
transferred up north and that I would be joining a companionship in
the visitor center.
So I now serve in 2 wards with the amazing sister Soto and sister
Werber. Whom I already loved. After madly packing and throwing things
together, we packed up and met the other sisters that sister Taylor
would go with and then I went with sisters Soto and Werber to join
them at the cute little house they live in!
So yeah craziest two days I have had in a while. Hahah. So that's the
story. Now I am in a trio with these two who are so sweet and kind and
easy-going and it's been so nice.
I feel like all the weight and stress I had had constantly over the
past 3 weeks was just magically taken away.
I feel so much happier and lighter. And I feel bad that I didn't feel
that way with Sister Taylor but honestly I was in this stupor of
thought. I didn't know why it wasn't working, I was trying everything.
But I know that God still was mindful of me. And this is what I
needed.
SO trio fun now!! It's the best. We are double covering our areas, so
on Saturday we met with their ward mission leader and then had routine
interviews with our mission president.
I LOVE President and Sister Vest.
They have been so mindful of me and concerned about me. Sister vest is
just so awesome she is so real! Haha she isn't just this cuddles
grandma but she'll tell ya how it is. But she is so loving and
considerate. And President is just awesome. He is an amazing man! He
told me that he was so proud of the work I had done. And he and sister
vest thanked me for how diligent I was with being a trainer so early
out. He told me to never feel like a failure because that is the
opposite of what I had done.
That was so what I needed to hear and was so special coming from my
mission president.
Sunday we had 6 hours of church plus 2.5 hours of ward council! Then
three hours right after that at the visitor center. Haha it was so
good though! Both wards are amazing and we had the COOLEST BEST ward
council in Blue Springs. Because first off our bishop is just the
BOMB. He was talking about teamups and the ward auxiliary members were
voicing their (heated) opinions so it was a little contentious but by
the end the spirit was so strong and we knew what we needed to move
forward in our ward for missionary work. Ooohh miracles are on their
way!!
Haha yesterday was awesome. Sister Soto Werber and I all just laughed
all day, we were out knocking doors and talked to so many people and
literally were in such awkward random situations. But it was awesome!!
Haha my favorite part is when Sister Soto looks up after our prayer
and is like "there's Ashton Kutcher!!!" Hahaha she thought this guy
was Ashton Kutcher. So funny. but that is all I will say because this
email is already long enough.
I'll just leave you with my new favorite scripture. This is my simple
missionary testimony. 2 Nephi 33:6-7,9
6 I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he
hath redeemed my soul from hell.
7 I have charity for my people, and great faith in Christ that I shall
meet many souls spotless at his judgment-seat.
9 .... But behold, for none of these can I hope except they shall be
reconciled unto Christ, and enter into the narrow gate, and walk in
the strait path which leads to life, and continue in the path until
the end of the day of probation.
I love people. And I love Jesus. And I just know these simple truths.
And I know it is by and through these things that we'll gain true
happiness and eternal life with our families and our Father in Heaven.
I love you all!! I cannot thank you enough for all your love and
support and prayers. Thanks you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Much love, Sister Bleak
Okay MIRACLES so we have been on shift at the
visitor center and we
just barely had a major miracle happen! My comps and I were on
teaching center but we came up and apparently a lady had come in and
wanted to learn more and sister Peterson ended up putting her on
date!!! And we found out that she is in our area and we can teach her
now on Thursday!!! WOOHOOO!!
But what's amazing is that we had prayed and set a goal for the VC
that morning to put someone on date for oct 8 AND IT HAPPENED! Not
directly to us but still ahh!!! So amazing!!!
Anyways now we are eating ice cream
just barely had a major miracle happen! My comps and I were on
teaching center but we came up and apparently a lady had come in and
wanted to learn more and sister Peterson ended up putting her on
date!!! And we found out that she is in our area and we can teach her
now on Thursday!!! WOOHOOO!!
But what's amazing is that we had prayed and set a goal for the VC
that morning to put someone on date for oct 8 AND IT HAPPENED! Not
directly to us but still ahh!!! So amazing!!!
Anyways now we are eating ice cream
No comments:
Post a Comment